In
1990 Sinéad O’ Connor sang “it's been seven hours and fifteen days, since you
took your love away” while a soft tear ran through her face. I was then 6 years
old and was clueless about the meaning of the lyrics: first because english isn’t
my native language and also because I had no idea about romantic love and its
trials and tribulations. I can write today that it was precisely a month ago
that he took his love away, and now I am stalked by this song and the image of
the crying Sinéad. This breakup was not expected. We had sworn eternal love
and planned a future together, and after a fight he decided he no longer felt comfortable
in the relationship and needed to cut the ties so he could find himself and
discover the meaning of life. He was being suffocated by the relationship, in
his own words.
The
project of this blog wasn’t born out of this breakup; it was already “aging” in
my head since almost a year and this traumatic event became the spark to start the
fire. I knew unconsciously that the love was dying and wasn’t fulfilling anymore,
but I couldn’t break the commitment. I couldn’t imagine my life without all the
dreams we dreamt together, and I felt so lost about my future that I was
holding on to this anchor. Now I realise that this reasons aren’t enough to
justify any relationship. If love and projects aren’t shared, there is no use
to keep holding the boat from drowning. Also if you realise you’re the only
person making efforts to keep it going, maybe you should have the courage to
leave. But this isn’t that easy, because a lot is at stake. You will lose
yourself in this breakup and you will need to find a great strength in order to
be yourself again. This reasoning guided me back to the blog project. I wanted
to share my experience of self-growth and self-acceptance with the world, and
also have feedback from other people going through the same experience and the
same path to self-knowledge and self-love. And after he said the awful words “
I don’t love you anymore” I knew I needed this blog more than ever. I really
want to be able to leave this very dark place where I am right now.
So
the blog will be a sort of a personal voyage in which everyone is invited to
share their own experiences, fears, doubts, opinions – their lives – so we can all
grow together. I believe next posts will mainly focus around the build up after
the break up - that’s all there is for me now. I plan to share my thoughts and
emotions in order to deal with it and grow from it. Also I will reveal my
strategies to deal with the pain of losing such a beautiful part of me. But
with time I hope this will become a feel good blog, where beautiful things and
thoughts will be shared: ways of keeping our dreams alive, of indulging
ourselves, of making ourselves loved, of growing out of things that scare and
hurt us. I hope it becomes a tribute to life in itself. And the only way to honour
the gift of being alive is to love ourselves.
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