So, a month and 10 days has passed since I lost him, and I kind of managed to avoid focusing all my attention on my ex. In the first weeks I was going insane trying to understand what could have caused the end of our love. I was also very focused on trying to map his feelings, and delude myself with the idea that maybe he wanted us to get back together. Hours of self blaming and self-reproach. Turning all the anger against myself and forgetting that it was him who did something really wrong. Not because he broke up, but because of the way he did it, and also the way he stopped believing in the relationship without committing to find solutions to the problems we were facing as a couple.
But spending all this energy thinking about him was doing myself even worst than the words "i don't love you anymore" had done in the beginning. So a good friend told me I should really start focusing on myself and doing some thinking about what I wanted for my life. This was a key moment in uplifting my spirits. Because I regained control over myself. I recovered myself. Overwhelmed by strong feelings of abandonment, solitude and despair I had completely lost my sense of self. And that way it would be impossible to start healing the wounds caused by such great loss.
So I decided to start living again. Not fully, not demanding too much from me, but experiencing some kind of activities. And I suggest you all going through a break up recovery to try the same. I know all of these activities I am going to suggest are kind of a cliché, but they might help a girl with a broken heart. Imagination is not very powerful after such a life shattering situation as a breakup, so keep with the basics. Choose things that can help you develop a new sense of self and recover the lost strength.
10 activities that can help you focusing on yourself and on your well-being
1. Go to the beach. The sound of the Ocean is very relaxing and soothing, and it will help you bring some balance back to your life. Some walks near the sea will allow you to exercise and also to get some insight on your inner feelings and start planning your future after the healing process.Walking helps you to avoid circular thoughts and the scratch of the sand on your feet will make you feel alive. The sun can always put a smile on your face, and observing the other people having fun on the beach will certainly warm your heart and remind you of all the happiness that lies ahead for you.
2. Go to the cinema. I suppose that if you are like me you were not going to the cinema so often because of saving money for the future plans you had with your boyfriend. Also you couldn't always choose the movies you wanted to see because you needed to compromise with your boyfriend's taste. Go alone or with friends. Enjoy the possibility to dream through other people's lives. You can also discover new directors or some independent movies you never heard of. This will allow you to leave your room for a couple of hours, which is great! But beware of the movies you choose, you need to be sure of what your limits are right now in such fragile situation. Too much drama can leave you in such a state of frailty that will bring you back to helplessness.
3. Clean up your room, and organize your drawers, desk and closet. This helps you surely to get some control back in your life, and also allows you to throw away stuff that reminds you of your ex, and also some old stuff you won't need in your new life. This will make you feel much freer and prepare you to move forward.
4. Discover new music artists. Listen to music genres that are unfamiliar to you. This songs can bring new elements to your life and allow you to find somethings about yourself you were not aware of. Going back to the artists that you were listening while you were together will not help you in the harsh process of forgetting him.
5. Go to concerts, either of already known artists or some you don't know. Enjoy the music live where it is more truthful and powerful. Let the music inspire you in such though times, and dance!
6. Reread your favorite author. For me it's Jane Austen, what about you? Grab your book and go to the nearest park or to a coffee shop. If the author you love brings you adolescence memories as Jane brings to me, this will surely help you to remember who you were before your Ex had entered your life. Also you can compare your current feelings and opinions on the book with the previous you had, and realize how you grew up as a person since those long gone times.
7. Learn and experiment new things. It can be simple things your Ex used to take care of like opening the wine bottles or repairing some electronic device, or some other things like learning a new language or how to play a music instrument. By being able to do those tasks a male used to perform for you, will make you feel more independent and with less fear of loneliness. New skills will enpower you and help you to build on your confidence. Also it will enable you to focus on something else than the break up melancholy.
8. Try new healthy dishes and foods. I love to cook, and used to do it very often with my Ex. So when he broke my heart I thought (in the midst of such pain and confusion) that I wouldn't be able to cook again. But apparently a month after this painful event I am back to the kitchen and happy to do so. I try new recipes and also do research on which new foods can I add to my diet in order to become healthier. It makes me feel better about myself, and knowing I am doing good things to my body makes me more aware that the wound is healing.
9. Do some meditation. This won't be possible in the first weeks after the break up, but in awhile you will be able to engage in meditation. In such a moment of anxiety you will need to relax a bit so that your body can go through a normal process of healing. This will bring you back in contact with your body and allow you to forget all the circular and toxic thoughts about your Ex and on how is he dealing with the separation. This creates some minutes per day of a safe spot, a place in time and space when it is all about you. Do some meditation moment in the morning and other before going to sleep.
10. DANCE. Turn off the lights or create some nice environment with some candles and play some tunes you like and let yourself go, flowing freely with the rhythm. Allow you some moments of true happiness.
Some last advices:
Don't forget to always find reasons to leave the house during the mourning process. Even if only for a couple of hours.
Also don't isolate yourself. Spend time with family and friends that will give you all the love you need right now, in such a difficult moment in your life.
Remember: this pain is real, and your loss is big. Don't forget you will have to go through a rough path right now, but don't mistake that with dwelling on self pity or with becoming an hermit. You are still alive and you will evolve to a greater human being after recovering from such pain and loss. Never forget to love yourself <3
Image of Alexander Deineka's painting belongs to this website
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